"To Never Be" - Stephanie

       Nearly twenty minutes I’ve been sitting here, waiting. Waiting for any sign of life from his body, from the man whom I had tried so hard to kill. The light from the fire had all but died out, but I could still differentiate his outline from the ground.

       “He wouldn’t stop.” I whispered aloud, trying to rationalize what I had just done. “I had to do it, for all of our safety.”

       And that is when I remembered, the others. The two girls, waiting at the edge of the alley, for me to come out. If I don’t come out soon, Nicene is going to come looking for me. With that in mind, I finally had the strength to get up, and leave this dark place. I was walking out slowly, stopping every few steps to listen if I was being followed.

       “So this is what it feels like to be paranoid.” I muttered, as I walked into view of the man I had taken the bottle from. “Thanks.” I said, while handing the man the remaining five dollars I owed him. He grunted while taking my money and paid little mind to me after that. While rounding the corner to the restaurant’s parking lot, I could hear Nicene talking to the other woman I had watched walk down this alley.

       “He was your ex-boyfriend?” I heard Nicene ask.

       “Yes, but that wasn’t like him at all.” The other woman answered.

       “Maybe he couldn’t take it anymore, just watching you.” Nicene responded.

       “No, it wasn’t like him at all, he would never get that violent. That wasn’t him at all.” The other woman insisted.

       “Yes, but...” Nicene started, but stopped as soon as she had made eye contact with me. “Tobias!”

       “I’m alright, don’t worry, everything is...” I couldn’t think of what to say, was it really fine? I had just killed a man, this woman’s ex-boyfriend. “He won’t be able to hurt you anymore.” I finally muttered.

       “He never would have hurt me to begin with.” She snapped, still proclaiming his innocence.

       I looked at Nicene, not really sure what to do or say to this. Nicene’s only response was an odd look followed by raising her eye brows momentarily.

       “What happens now?” Nicene ask, in the often sheepish way she does.

       “I don’t know.” I thought for a moment, looking in both of their eyes, and asked, “Do we just go home?”

       “No!” The young woman shouted, “I don’t want to be alone right now.”

       “What are we going to tell the police?” Nicene asked.

       I looked at the other woman, who only gave a frightened blank stare and said, “I don’t think we can call the police.”

       “What? Why not?” Said Nicene, who seemed to be panicking slightly.

       “What would you tell them?” I inquired.

       “Simple, it was self defense.” She barked back.

       “Nicene, we broke his neck, caved in the side of his head, and stabbed him twice. No one is going to believe that.”

       “Well, we have to tell them something.”

       “No we don’t.” Interjected the other girl. “Like he said, it doesn’t make sense, and I don’t want you getting in trouble for trying to help me.”

       “But what about him?” Nicene asked.

       “So what do we do?” I said, looking straight at the other girl.

       “I think we should go somewhere safe, and less public before we do anything.” She responded.

       “But what about him?!” Nicene asked again, more forcefully.

       I looked at the other woman, leaving the response up to her.

       “We leave him here.” She sadly answered.

       “We can go back to my house for now. Gather ourselves, and come up with some answer. Agreed?” Both girls nodded in response. “Let’s go.” I started walking towards Nicene’s car, but seemed to be the only person moving. I turned around and spoke, “Nicene, let’s go.” She shook her head, and all three of us started towards her car.

       While walking I looked down and asked, “What‘s your name?”

       “Stephanie.” Was all she replied.

       We continued walking, and Nicene hurried in front of us to unlock her car door. As she struggled with the keys, Stephanie lightly touched my left arm and spoke.

       “Thank you, for helping me.”

       I turned my head to her and gave a sad smile, “You’re welcome.”

       I looked forward again to see Nicene had succeeded in unlocking the door, and with a beaming smile shoved forward the driver’s seat and gestured for Stephanie to get in the backseat. I walked around to the passenger’s door, and while both Nicene and me were above the car, she whispered to me.

       “She’s hiding something.”

       I nodded, and we both settled into our seats.