"Boom!" "What was that?!"

Wrestling involves behavior people shouldn't emulate like giving people the finger and saying, "kiss my ass." This is behavior only acceptable when talking to the color guard or stuck in really bad traffic. What makes wrestling so attractive to the moronic masses??? Is it that it embodies the age-old struggle of good versus evil? Is it that fleeting chance to finally identify with someone like-minded? No, it is the small simple fact that loud noises attract attention. I call this my, " "BOOM!" "What was that?!" '' theory... Do we all agree that nature, and its simple self-directed survival have worked for thousands of years? Ok then, so when they hear a loud noise they go the OPPOSITE (pay attention, this is a key word) direction. So why is it that all of these hicks flock to the bright lights and loud sounds...Simple...it is because they are stupider than the Earth's animal population... Ok, granted, do you know how much more popular politics would be if it solved all of its problems like professional wrestling matches? Wouldn't you love to see Bill "the president of love" Clinton throwing rose petals and blowing kisses to the crowd after he ramming Ken Star's head into the knee of some Hispanic midget? Oh...sorry, got off on a tangent there...Well the biggest question that pops into most people's minds when they hear professional wrestling is, "Is it real?" Well at first thought one might think yes, based on the fact that Don King isn't making any money off it, but how real could it be that these people have survived so many years with brain damage...wait a second, how do hicks survive so long with their LARGE amounts of brain damage? I see, I just figured out why wrestling is...Rich cosmopolitan type sees a bar fight in the out skirts of Nashville, says to himself, "Hey, if I could get hicks to fight on television, then maybe their friends and family would watch it also and I could make a few bucks?!" But what he didn't realizes at the time was that every single one of them is someone's cousin, sibling, parent, or niece...So by putting Billy Bob on television, you just turned on practically every television in the South. And on top of all that, Billy Bob's son/nephew/grandfather wants to grow up to be just like good old paw/uncle/grandson... So Mr. Cosmopolitan has an assured replacement should Billy Bob ever quit, or die of rat poisoning. Now how does one become a wrestler? The easiest way is to obviously go to Harvard, Yale, or Duke; they've got a great program there... Oh that's right, they have intelligence in those places... Damn, there go my hopes for the future... I will end this with at small confession... In fact last year, I myself wrestled under the name, "Sarcasmo Blaster." I would immobilize my adversaries by determining their psychological weak points, and eating away at them with demeaning observations, until they finally became paralyzed with low self esteem and I could easily pen them for the win... I was doing great until some huge deaf guy kicked my ass...